My Hope

Hope is defined in the Bible as trust. We can have hope because we have faith in Jesus Christ. Now up until recently I didn't need a reason for hope because the answer to all my fears had no place in my life. I've always been a "believer" but never truly knew what it meant to know God spiritually and personally. What I mean is that I found the argument for God stronger then any other argument in the world when examining the evidence, but this was an intellectual belief. To truly know God is to put all you have into that belief because He is worthier than anything else, nothing deserves more attention then the fact of the resurrection.

CF and my Dramatic Epiphany

Having Cystic Fibrosis is probably one of the hardest challenges anyone can have. But it's also the biggest blessing in my life for one reason: love. Without the realization of the brevity of life I don't think I would have learned to truly love anything or anyone as much as I do. My health has got worse over the years and soon I'll be transferring to the adult side of my hospital. I will no longer be a pediatric patient. This is where I begin to hear all those horror stories about the adult side and how everyones lung function plummets once they're over there because the doctors aren't as great. I have first hand seen this in a recently deceased Fibro, now obviously other factors play in but there was no reason for the dramatic decline in my friend. Doctors will give a 2-4 week course of treatment and see you out the door just like that, if you're lungs stay down... oh well... we tried.

Soon this will be me. I have been declining and it's expected but it's been the worse couple years I have had. I was always complacent but once I began to learn how doing my treatments like I'm suppose to doesn't become as useful I started to have anxiety and panic attacks as if I was going to die tomorrow (I know...dramatic, but hey, it works out). I saw death as a void of nothingness, and there is nothing more false and terrifying then this. BUT, something incredible happened. I finally understood what it meant to "go all in with Christ." To not fear "the valley of the shadow of death" is to know that this is not the end, and nothing can separate us from the love of God, but also that to put faith in Jesus because that's the ultimate truth. I attribute this to knowing my life will be shorter then my counterparts, I get to live life knowing that in the end we will all die, but I get to live it fearless. I will always work as hard as possible in trying to stay healthy, but I have peace knowing that whatever happens will happen and I've felt the peace of the Lord. I have a renewed feeling of excitement and hope as God wants us to live life to our fullest and now that I have cast all my fears on Him I know that this will not be the end...